#Equiping The Saints
Counseling is help and hope given by one knowledgeable person to another person or group. The counsel given can range from personal comfort and encouragement, 1 with general advice and guidance, to a group crisis intervention. We are called by God not only to “carry each other’s burdens,” but also to “encourage one another and build each other up” (Galatians 6:2; 1 Thessalonians 5:11).
Those who have had an abortion are often weighed down by deep hurt and intense shame. Their “ditch” is deep and wide, as they struggle with a host of issues such as guilt, anxiety from grief and guilt, to depression or even suicidal thoughts and the hope of developing healthy emotional and sexual relationships. Understanding and accepting God’s truth may not come quickly for these wounded women—and even men—crippled by the pain of past destructive choices. They need someone compassionate to help them through their pain in order to receive the healing God offers. No sin is so great that the sinner cannot be made right and brought into close relationship with God. Psalm 34:18 says…
Has your life been gripped by the agony caused by adultery? Has it been
forever changed because of the snare of an affair? The “ditch of adultery”
can cause countless lives—families, friends, even entire churches—to
become mired in the muddy fallout. Marriage was God’s idea…and He
designed it to be a lifelong covenant commitment. Adultery violates that
commitment, for it is voluntary extramarital sexual activity between a
married person and another person who is not his or her lawful spouse.
Any impurity in marriage violates the law of God and grieves the heart of
God.
“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure,
for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral”
(HEBREWS 13:4).
Drug or alcohol addiction is a modern-day demon that can take over and radically alter a person’s behavior, health, family, and future. Most people with a drug dependency insist they are not dependent. However, when they try to stop the habit, they cannot…because they continue to sink deeper. Beneath the surface of self-delusion, this “ditch of drug abuse” is filled with quicksand and its victims feel that they just can’t free themselves. Second Peter 2:19 says, “A man is a slave to whatever has mastered him.” Nevertheless, there is hope for deliverance, for lasting change.
Firefighters know the danger of letting a fire get out of control. They are
trained to respond quickly. You, too, must respond quickly to control the
flames of anger before they consume your life and leave a smoldering
ditch of destruction.
“An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered one commits
many sins”
(PROVERBS 29:22).
Anorexics stop eating, and bulimics keep overeating. But all this has
little to do with food. Both groups of strugglers are actually starving—for
unconditional love and acceptance. Those hiding in the ditch of an eating
disorder are seeking to conceal their shameful struggle. Tragically, these
sufferers believe the ditch is what they deserve. They do not know the
depth of God’s boundless love for them (Ephesians 3:17-19).
Anorexia is a psychological eating disorder characterized by chronic
self-starvation, rooted in a distorted body image and an abnormal
fear of gaining weight.
Bulimia is a psychological eating disorder characterized by repeated
binge-and-purge episodes. Food is eaten to meet emotional needs,
resulting in guilt and fear of weight gain, which prompts selfinduced vomiting.
Nothing penetrates the core of a child’s inner being like sexual abuse. Its
long tentacles reach deep within the child, wrapping around the young
heart, choking and killing innocence and trust. This violation leaves its
victims in a dark, dirty ditch…a place no child should have to experience.
Just to clarify its broad reach, childhood sexual abuse is any physical,
visual, or verbal interaction with a minor by an older child or adult whose
purpose is sexual stimulation or sexual satisfaction. A victim of such
abuse is any boy or girl under the age of 18 who has suffered one or many
experiences of sexual abuse. Such abuse results in emotional, mental,
spiritual, or physical harm.
It’s an addiction—not to drugs or alcohol, but to a relationship. One person is perceived as emotionally weak, needing to be connected to someone emotionally strong, and one is perceived as emotionally strong, but is actually weak due to a need to be needed. Both are in denial. Sometimes roles change, yet codependency is characterized by intense highs and lows as the pair negotiates the unbalanced relationship as though stuck on a seesaw—from one high to another…first suffocating one another…then distancing from each other…producing a destructive pattern of manipulation and control that drains life’s joy and happiness. Dependency on God, not another person, is the remedy for such relationship addiction.
What can you do when someone you love is caught in the throes of a
harmful habit, a dangerous addiction, and your attempts at reasoning have
brought no change, no escape from the ditch of a destructive pattern?
Originally associated with helping alcoholics, there is one technique that
has often proven to be effective when all individual intervention has
failed: a group crisis intervention. And the reason? There is power in
numbers!
Typically, personal pleas and earnest appeals fall on deaf ears. Even
when several people confront a person one at a time, each plea can be
easily dismissed. The person to whom you are appealing may see each of
you as little firecrackers who are simply popping off. But by coming
together and confronting the person as a united group, you can become
like dynamite empowered by God to move the immovable. The Bible lays
out the plan of action for such a group intervention:
“If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just
between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your
brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so
that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three
witnesses’”
(MATTHEW 18:15-16; READ ALSO EZEKIEL 3:18-19).
Anyone with a critical spirit is an expert at finding fault and focusing on it. Unfortunately, faultfinders seldom find anything else! Piles of mud balls are strewn throughout their ditch of disapproval, and at the opportune moment…ready…aim…fire! They pop up and hurl one derogatory comment after another. A critical spirit does not reflect the heart of the wise, nor does it reflect the heart of God. Jesus said, “Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him” (Matthew 12:34-35).
They are subtle, secretive, and seductive, luring people away from friends and family, and fundamental truth. They prey on people’s emotions, promising unconditional love and spiritual fulfillment. But their beliefs and practices distort what the Bible says about God and His divine purposes. Those who are ensnared by cults wind up in a ditch of deception, thinking it is the closest thing to heaven on earth. And they believe the only people who can meet their emotional needs are their fellow ditch dwellers.
For some, dating is daunting…and for others, it’s downright fun. It provides interaction with the opposite sex and the opportunity to come into contact with potential marriage partners. But dating is as much about you as it is your dating prospects, and serves as an ideal time for developing Christlike character and preparing you for a lifelong marriage commitment. But there is a “ditch of dating.” Nothing can soil a pure dating relationship like immorality—and its consequences can make for a steep climb out of the ditch.
He loves me, he loves me not; he loves me, he loves me not.” Through the ages, people have played this simple game of trying to determine whether someone loved them or not by plucking petals one by one from a daisy. The last petal supposedly reveals the answer—but what an unreliable way to make decisions! There’s probably no faster way to end up in a decision-making ditch than depending on a daisy. Wise decisions are made by discerning the will of God, and God reveals His will to those willing to do His will. James 1:22 says, “Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.”
Heavy hearts and sustained sadness are just two characteristics of
depression. The psychological condition affects the whole person—body,
soul, and spirit—and generates a pervasive sense of hopelessness. For
those in the ditch of depression, it can feel like the walls are closing in.
But depression doesn’t have to be permanent. Healing is possible, and
joy can be restored.
“Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put
your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God”
(PSALM 42:5).
Domestic violence is devastating. While abusive acts are committed by both men and women, approximately 95 percent of domestic violence victims are women. And many of these women blame themselves for the abuse, which further fuels the cycle of violence. Domestic violence refers to a pattern of coercive and violent behavior exercised by one adult in an intimate relationship with another. 1 Many victims find themselves thrown into the ditch of domestic violence. And as they repeatedly try to escape, they’re violently shoved back in to suffer more abuse. The violation of a trusted relationship produces severe pain. In the midst of it all one can find comfort in Psalm 34:18: “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
Strained relationships…continual tension…a sense of “walking on
eggshells” every time you walk in the door…
Dysfunctional families are damaging to individuality and the
development of healthy relationships among its members. Sons and
daughters, husbands and wives are impaired emotionally, psychologically,
and spiritually by at least one person who continually demonstrates
improper or immature behavior. Dysfunctional families may gather around
the dinner table every night, but their table is in a ditch. Opinions are
ridiculed, diversity is disdained, and more, all due to a domineering,
emotionally destructive presence. God’s design for the family is to be
functional, a nurturing environment where love and respect are cultivated.
“He who brings trouble on his family will inherit only wind, and the
fool will be servant to the wise”
(PROVERBS 11:29).
At one time or another, we have all thought, Why? It’s just not fair! God, why would You allow…? Left unanswered or incorrectly answered, these questions often become the basis for rejecting the goodness of God or even denying His existence and can strand people in the ditch of dispair and disbelief. Eventually they become blind to the truth of God’s sovereignty over evil and suffering, and His good purposes for them. Nowhere in Scripture is the fairness of God more poignantly addressed than in the book of Job. In spite of his severe losses, Job posed a profound question—a question for all of us to consider in times of tragedy: “Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?” (Job 2:10).
During the Nazi regime, Hitler’s minister of propaganda said, “If you want someone to believe something, you have to tell it to him over and over and over.” If you are living in a state of fear, it’s because you have been brainwashed with false propaganda. You’re cowering in a corner, you’re in a ditch filled with dread, afraid to turn around, step out, reach out, and get out. Hitler’s reign of terror ended years ago, and when the German people learned the truth about Hitler, they were emotionally set free. Do you want to be set free from fear?
Has money mastered you, or are you master over your money? Do you continually find yourself in the red and fear you’ll never be in the black? Are you in the deep, deep ditch of debt? You can find freedom through sound biblical principles for wise money management and solve the dollar dilemma.
Forgiving isn’t easy…especially when you don’t feel like it. You have the pain that penetrated too deep, and now resentment has taken root. As you think about your offenders, you choose to live in a “ditch of demand” lined with stones of spite and boulders of bitterness. Yet God commands us to forgive… just as He forgives us. Colossians 3:13 says, “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
Grief is a heart response to hurt, a painful emotion of sorrow caused by the loss or impending loss of someone or something that has deep meaning to us. Grief can dig a “ditch of dependency” with deep ruts of anguish, depression, and isolation—strong emotions very difficult to pull yourself out of. God understands our anguish; even the Lord Jesus is described in the Bible as a “Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief” (Isaiah 53:3 NKJV). But we can also be assured that our pain is always purposeful, and when grief accomplishes its work, a deep well has been carved within us that God, in His time, will fill with joy, peace, and contentment. Lamentations 3:32-33 says, “Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men.”
It can be a farsighted friend or a formidable foe. Guilt can goad you down the path of righteousness or it can stop you in your tracks as you become fixated on failure and unmet expectations. True guilt can lead to freedom, while false guilt leads to emotional bondage, leaving people polarized and immobilized in their ditch as the walls silently close in around them. God always uses guilt for the good— to convict, correct, and conform your character to Christ’s, and never to condemn. The Bible says, “Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death” (2 Corinthians 7:10)
Interestingly, in most dictionaries, the first definition for the word habit
reveals it to be “a type of clothing characteristic of a certain calling.”
Eventually a habit came to be “a pattern of behavior acquired by frequent
repetition that reflects the prevailing character of a person.”1 The Bible is
interwoven with the same concept: Your habits characterize your character.
If you are a Christian, you are called to be clothed in the habit of Christ so
that your character actually reflects His character—pure and unblemished.
“Clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about
how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature”
(ROMANS 13:14).
When someone is sexually attracted to a person of the same gender, confusion can abound and sexual identity can be questioned. And when God’s truth about homosexuality either is not known or rejected, people can find themselves in a ditch of sinking sand, with serious consequensces and deep sorrow. Same-sex attraction does not reflect the individual’s true identity as created by God. Rather, it can result in a mistaken identity. This creates a desperate need for truth—God’s truth. Jesus said, “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:32).
What an anchor provides for a ship, hope provides for the soul. Both
provide necessary stability amidst the storms of life, something to hold on
to should you find yourself floundering in the ditch of despair. Although
the popular understanding of hope is an optimistic wish that something
good will happen, Christian hope is based on God’s unchanging word in
the Bible. By patiently relying on what God says, you will have all the
hope necessary—with all the certainty you will ever need—because…
“…everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so
that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we
might have hope”
(ROMANS 15:4).
Who are you…really? Do you identify yourself with your occupation, “I’m a teacher” or with your nationality, “I’m a German” or with your struggles, “I’m an alcoholic”? All of these labels do help identify us by distinguishing us one from another, but they are not our primary identity. Based on the Bible, everyone on earth is identified with one of two persons, either Adam or Jesus. And the implications of whose family line you belong to are a matter of life and death—for eternity. When Adam, the first man, disobeyed God in the Garden of Eden, sin entered the world and was passed down to every one of us. And along with sin came death. “For as in Adam all die.” But Jesus died on the cross for our sins and rose again, providing forgiveness and the free gift of eternal life. “In Christ all will be made alive” (1 Corinthians 15:22). And that’s not all. By trusting in Jesus as our Lord and Savior, a transfer takes place—from one family to the next. We are adopted into the family of God and are given a glorious new identity—a new nature reflective of Jesus Christ Himself! “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” (2 Corinthians 5:17).
Chronic and terminal are two words no one wants to hear in association with illness. A person with chronic illness suffers physically and can face a lifetime of persistent pain. Terminal illness is a physical sickness with the prognosis that life expectancy will be less than a year, although patients can live longer. Both can be debilitating ditches physically and emotionally, with constrained activities and strained relationships. Spiritual vitality too can diminish, with plaintive cries of “Why me?” In the midst of suffering God longs to bring peace, with the promise of His presence now, and for eternity. “All men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field; the grass withers and the flowers fall” (1 PETER 1:24).
If your nose grew every time you told a lie, would you stop telling lies? Pinocchio was a wooden marionette given the opportunity to be transformed into a real boy, but on one condition: He had to follow his conscience. Every time he told a lie, his nose would grow. Pinocchio faced one roadblock after another—tell a lie or be embarrassed, tell a lie or miss out on some fun. Each time, telling a lie seemed a better choice than telling the truth. Over time he deadened his conscience by repeatedly telling lies, leading him to a ditch of desperation lined with deceit. Before long, his nose measured more than a foot long and he was buried under a muddy pile of myths.
Manipulators are skillful strategists. They map out their art of subtly steering and controlling people or circumstances by using indirect, unfair, or deceptive tactics. 1 People-pleasing is at the root of being manipulated. Those who are manipulated allow others the control that God alone should have. Exodus 20:3 says, “You shall have no other gods before me.”
If someone were to ask, “What exactly is wrong with the occult?” most people wouldn’t know how to answer. How would you answer? The word occult describes any practice used in an attempt to gain supernatural power or knowledge apart from the God of the Bible. 1 Generally the occult is broken down into five categories: superstition, fortune-telling, spiritism, black and white magic, and parapsychology. 2 The word occult comes from the Latin occultus, which means “hidden, covered up, concealed.”3 The occult is not just a ditch of deceit, but a pit cloaked in despair and darkness. In Leviticus 20:6-7 God says, “I will set my face against the person who turns to mediums and spiritists to prostitute himself by following them, and I will cut him off from his people. Consecrate yourselves and be holy, because I am the LORD your God.”
If a little bit is good, then a lot must be better! In truth, that’s not always
the case—especially when overeating results in negative consequences,
such as the ditch of overindulgence or compulsive eating. Reasons may
vary, but oftentimes an emotional or spiritual void is trying to be satisfied
with temporary filler instead of permanent fulfillment.
“A man is a slave to whatever has mastered him”
(2 PETER 2:19).
The painted lines on a road form boundaries that help ensure the safety of all drivers. At times we see solid lines that indicate no passing is allowed. At other times the lines are not solid, which allows drivers to pass, but with caution. Beyond the solid lines along the edges of a highway we find additional boundaries, such as rough pavement, guardrails, and medians that shield us from embankments, cliffs, or travelers going the opposite direction. Likewise, in life, parents are to delineate the boundary lines for their children, helping to map out a safe route as the children journey from infancy to independence, and steering them clear of the ditches of rebellion and regret. Though no job is more difficult, no reward is more fulfilling than to see your child grow “in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men” (Luke 2:52).
Misunderstood…criticized…ridiculed? Do you have a persistent,
irrational fear that just won’t go away? It’s excessive, out of proportion to
the actual degree of threat, and it’s affecting every area of your life—
curtailing activities and suffocating joy. People in this ditch are deathly
afraid, huddled in a corner, fearful that no matter how high the ditch walls,
they won’t escape the threat. Whether it’s a formidable fear of elevators,
spiders, or something else, one thing is certain: God wants to empower
you to move from the pandemonium of panic to peace. He says,
“Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your
God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my
righteous right hand”
(ISAIAH 41:10).
You’re pregnant. Those two words can thrill…signaling a time for
celebration, or they can chill…sending a wave of panic throughout the
ditch of dire desperation. The mind of a woman faced with an unplanned
pregnancy can start spinning with options—adoption, parenting, or
abortion—and out of desperation and loneliness, a choice can be made that
will bring tragic consequences. This woman needs to be affirmed of God’s
unconditional love, His constant presence, and His plan for the one who
was unplanned:
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I
set you apart”
(JEREMIAH 1:5).
Those who look at others through the lens of prejudice have a mental blind spot that prevents them from seeing others accurately. Prejudiced people delve into a ditch that serves as a psychological fence, keeping them from seeing the God-given value in other relationships and confining them to their own “backyard” of bigotry. Isaiah 5:21 says, “Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes.”
That which was designed by God to be an expression of love can be twisted into a horrendous and hateful act. Rape is a vile act of violence that humiliates and degrades like no other, assaulting body, soul, and spirit and sending the victim into a ditch of shock and shame. In the midst of a victim’s suffering, the Lord sees and grieves, and is willing to bring emotional help and spiritual hope for true inner healing. “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (PSALM 34:18).
Oh, the pain of a relationship ripped apart—hurting hearts, needless loss. Rocky relationships can relegate us to a ditch riddled with disagreements and disputes. Reconciliation leads to the Road to Transformation, where peace and harmony are restored.
Nothing ravages a heart like rejection. Has someone dear to you walked
out of your life, leaving you in the ditch of despair, feeling devalued?
Were you told, “You should never have been born. You were never wanted.
You will never amount to anything”? When you feel painfully rejected by
a special person, take comfort in these tender words:
“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are
crushed in spirit”
(PSALM 34:18).
At times you will be rejected, but that doesn’t make you a reject. You
have a God-given purpose.
The Bible refers over and over again to our need to be saved—to be rescued from an impending threat, to be delivered from a disastrous destiny. What is this desperate ditch of doom—this formidable future— faced by every single person who has ever lived? It is separation from God and all that is good (Luke 19:10).
Repeated rejection can send self-worth sinking into ditches of dejection
and desolation. When people are continually told they don’t measure up,
or they’re consistently passed up for the smarter, prettier, or stronger, the
collective message is that their lives have little or no value or significance.
But nothing could be further from the truth. God dearly loves each person
He creates and has a unique plan and purpose for each life. True self-worth
always starts and ends with Him, and never depends on the perceptions of
others. God forever established your worth (over 2,000 years ago) by one
act: He gave His Son for you.
“The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the
outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart”
(1 SAMUEL 16:7).
Do you continually find yourself entangled in a web of sexual addiction? Is there any hope for breaking free from the ditch of this debilitating lifestyle? The Bible assures us that with God, all things are possible, including the transformation of an immoral life into one marked by purity (Colossians 3:5).
We love our heroes. We need heroes in every generation and in every culture—heroes who possess what they profess, reflect what they represent, walk their talk, and survive close scrutiny. True heroes have integrity and are worthy of imitation. We find hope in heroes who sidestep the seductive ditches of immorality, and are willing to stand alone regardless of stress—who hold to principle no matter the pressure, who will not compromise their convictions. Though not perfect, true heroes are committed to following a path of spiritual, emotional, and physical purity, including sexual integrity.
He goes to weddings—always as guest and never as groom because he has not been gifted with a bride of his own. He is regarded by some in his community as different—a misfit who doesn’t conform to society’s norm. However, he is intelligent, verbally gifted, and can more than hold his own in community debates. He is a content, confident man who knows who he is and what he wants. While he experiences times of intense loneliness and longing, he doesn’t detour into the ditch of dissatisfaction. Who is he? This single man is Jesus.
Are you at the breaking point? Feel like you’re simmering just under the
surface and ready to crack? While stress can serve as positive pressure that
results in motivation and movement, it oftentimes is negative pressure that
derails you into ditches of distress, danger, or destruction.1 Be encouraged
that with God you can discover both peace and rest…no matter what the
stressful circumstance.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give
you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle
and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my
yoke is easy and my burden is light”
(MATTHEW 11:28-30).
Despair has overtaken you. Trapped and terrified, darkness descends…
and then you see it: the ditch of self-inflicted death. This gaping pit looms
large, presenting a perilous path to the absence of pain and to muchdesired peace. You feel like no one understands, no one really cares. But
God does! He is grieved by your suffering and longs to come alongside
you to help you, to restore hope, and to bring healing. Suicide is never
God’s will for your life—He has a unique purpose and plan for you that
validates your value and significance. You matter to Him.
“‘I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to
prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a
future’”
(JEREMIAH 29:11).
You’re worthless!” “You’ll never amount to anything!” “I wish you had
never been born!” Words like these can wound, tripping you into a ditch of
doubt and defeat for a lifetime.
Maybe control is the name of the game. Threats such as, “If you leave
me, I’ll hurt the children!” or “I’ll take the keys away from you!” are both
emotionally and verbally abusive and are ways of maintaining control in
relationships.
Abuse also can be perpetrated without a word—with degrading looks,
obscene gestures, or threatening behaviors. Such abuse can make you feel
worthless until you look to the truth in Jesus’ words from Luke 12:6-7:
“Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is
forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all
numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.”
If you are living with a crippling trauma from your past, hoping to
somehow get beyond it, take hope. God wants to help you overcome your
painful past and conquer the destructive patterns that have resulted from
your victimization. By facing your past and taking responsibility for your
healing, you can trade the ditch of victimization for the pathway to
victory!
“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do
not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery”
(GALATIANS 5:1).
It can keep you up at night, it can siphon away energy, it can consume your life. Worry comes so naturally—that’s why it needs to be dealt with supernaturally. The cares and concerns that weigh you down are to be cast upon Jesus, through prayer. Then His peace, not worry, will characterize your life. Philippians 4:6-7 says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
